Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1121
The only time a politico will try to avoid playing the blame game is when they or theirs are to blame.
I've got mixed feelings about poetry cause done well poetry is fantastic. But not many people are capable of doing it well. I think you should have some kind of license to perform poetry. A poetic license perhaps.
During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk; today we have small men enjoying big talk.
When you create you get a little endorphin rush. Why do you think Einstein looked like that?
If I'm alone in the car and I fart, I still laugh at it. It's the little things that keep us civilised...
Some entertainers don't pay attention to what's going on around them.
If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.
We all know smoking is bad. I know I'm going to quit someday, if I thought I wasn't I'd quit now.
A federal grand jury is investigating allegations that David Copperfield raped, assaulted and threatened a woman he took to his private island in the Bahamas in July. What happened to the good old days when a guy would just saw you in half?
The best part of chronic head lice is it takes away your fear of dying alone.
I immediately went out and bought a book on anger management. And now I have that book, and I don't know if I'll get to the book. But I'm certainly excited about the day where I can't find the book, and I get to say, 'Where the hell is my anger management book?!'
Most comedy is based on getting a laugh at somebody else's expense. And I find that that's just a form of bullying in a major way. So I want to be an example that you can be funny and be kind, and make people laugh without hurting somebody else's feelings.
Chihuahuas are the perfect pet if you don't have a person in your life who screams and shits their pants every time there's a noise.
The United States ranks 14th in the world in education. Even if we subtract Sarah Palin's test scores, it only bumps us to third. Damn you, Finland!