Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1123
Send her a quick note while you`re stuck in a long meeting. A lighthearted chat definitely makes the time go faster.
I was ugly, very ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother.
Bush said today he is being stalked. He said wherever he goes, people are following him. Finally, someone told him, 'Psst. That's the Secret Service.'
There’s a huge amount of work that goes into placating a network in regular television. It’s literally 70% or 80% of your workload, is showing them the material, getting their notes and presenting it to them and making sure they weigh in. It’s a huge amount of work.
Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?
Superheroes. Because we needed something to make regular heroes feel shitty.
My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
New synonyms for sex: ""Going to a family function," "getting the hard part over with," "anti-fillet." Get it? Sex!
The Founding Fathers were more deists. If you had to categorize them as anything. There was some sort of moving prime force. But it's an impersonal force. Some people call it Nature. Certainly not this personal god who you have a personal relationship with, who listens to your prayers and answers them, or doesn't. You know, not the silly stuff that most Americans believe because we're such a dumb nation.
You'll notice that Bush never speaks when Cheiney is drinking water, check that shit out.
Every time I fold the baby's clothes I feel like a giant that got a housekeeping job with a nice family.
Amy Poehler and I have been friends for so long, we’re like Oprah and Gale. Only we’re not denying anything.