Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1126
There’s a huge amount of work that goes into placating a network in regular television. It’s literally 70% or 80% of your workload, is showing them the material, getting their notes and presenting it to them and making sure they weigh in. It’s a huge amount of work.
When I was a kid, I slept on rubber sheets, but now, I'm a man. And I can take the wetness!
They could have gotten help for this infertility but they believed that interfering with the reproductive process, even if it was faulty, was anti-God. It was against His plan. It never occurred to them that God may have provided the world with a vast array of very brainy medical types for the very reason of solving problems such as theirs. However, there is one thing that the medical profession cannot do and that is save people from being idiots.
My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
To let people know how quirky and interesting you are try wearing your pajama pants to the supermarket, you fucking slob.
New synonyms for sex: ""Going to a family function," "getting the hard part over with," "anti-fillet." Get it? Sex!
You'll notice that Bush never speaks when Cheiney is drinking water, check that shit out.
Here's a thought for sweat shop owners: Air Conditioning. Problem solved.
One in the morning, you have people waiting for a booth to open at a Waffle House.
There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook.
How come the term 'threesome' is always used in a sexual context? What, nobody plays string instruments any more?
They got a character on there named Oscar, they treat this guy like shit the entire show. They judge him right in his face, "Oscar you are so mean! Isn't he kids?", "Yeah Oscar! Your a grouch!", its like "BITCH! I LIVE IN A FUCKING TRASHCAN!"
Old ladies in wheelchairs with blankets over their legs, I don’t think so…retired mermaids.