Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1132
I don't necessarily think of it as Southern comedy. I just think I'm a comedian and I have a Southern accent.
She was so fat that she has a dress with a sign on the back that says "caution wide load".
When telling a story about how wasted you were last night, stop.
Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
If you go down as a comedian's comedian, that's basically meaning other comedians are hopefully feeling that you're doing okay.
Bush's memoir is 512 pages. To be fair, 200 of those pages are just games and puzzles.
It’s true Fang and I fight, but we’ve never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.
Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.
I wish that every other guy were gay. Think about the leverage that would create in your relationship.
Suicide is like the ejector button in the cockpit of an F-15. If life goes into a permanent tail spin, it's nice to know the option is there.
Jesus is magic, because he turned water into wine. I think he made the statue of liberty disappear in the 80s or something.
Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with some one long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.
Life, is easy. And if yours isn't, quit whining. Oh, wait. unless you're just a head amd then, you do have it pretty rough. I don't know how you roll out of bed every morning.