Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1143
You young people with your twittering and your creating of content. Or what is it - queefing? I don't know what you young people are calling it.
Before you ask for the people to rise up and take what’s theirs, meet the people, because they’re really, really, bafoons.
Spaghetti... I can't eat spaghetti, there's too many of them. No matter how hungry I am, 1000 of something is too many. I'll have 1000 pieces of noodles.
Bidnick gorges himself on Viagra, but the dosage makes him hallucinate and causes him to imagine he is Pliny the Elder.
The only way I can get Fang out of bed in the morning is to wear a black dress and a veil, and sit on the edge of his bed and cry.
I'm here for a friend. I brought a couple of boxes of chocolate Jell-O.
It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.
The stuff that made me mad 20 years ago doesn't really make me mad any more.
A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 am and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 pm to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished even before lunch.
Seems the first person to call someone a whore is usually another whore.
Drunken behavior will not be tolerated, except by those who are being hilarious.
If Dracula can't see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
My fam is just a regular family. But all of them have great senses of humor.