Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1147

Curious people are intersting people, I wonder why that is.

Once I started to look i finally began to see.

Engrave this Quote Today I saw a red and yellow sunset and thought, how insignificant I am! Of course, I thought that yesterday too, and it rained.

If you've ever seen a vagina close up... it looks like an alien's gonna hop out and attach itself to your face and lay eggs in your mouth.

I’ve never read an article of clothing.

I am much more comfortable in someone else's skin.

Mick Jagger fucks young girls for a reason. He can. Believe me, plumbers his age would do the same thing if they could. Men are only as loyal as their options.

You should laugh everywhere you can find even the slightest glimmer of humour.

A cop just pulled me over and told me to stop blaming my childhood.

Stop thanking god for your parking spot. He had nothing to do with it, and if he did, I want nothing to do with him.

I don’t know if I was put on this Earth for a purpose or not. But I’m fairly confident that I’ll be taken off of it for one.

If you go down as a comedian's comedian, that's basically meaning other comedians are hopefully feeling that you're doing okay.

If I just sit here every Friday night and spout Bush administration talking points, that's not information or entertainment, it's Fox News!

The Washington State Supreme Court on Thursday announced a two year suspension for a lawyer caught having jailhouse sex with a triple murder defendant she was representing. Haha! Jokes on you, dummies...I'm not really a lawyer.

For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.