Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1150
I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.
What are children anyway? Midget drunks. They greet you in the morning by kneeing you in the face and talking gibberish. They can't even walk straight.
He's the badass of the group - like if they get into some kind of Scooby-Doo scrape, he's the one that's gonna get them out.
This pope was born on the 16th of April, making him an Aries, compatible with both Sagittarius and Leo. But, of course, Jesus was famously a Capricorn, meaning that this pope is incompatible with Jesus. Not my findings, the findings of science. Don't get angry with me, Catholics. Go get angry with Galileo. Oh, you already did.
The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God's mind - a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you've just made a down payment on a house.
What exactly is "midair"? Is there some other part of air besides the "mid" part?
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
But don't you hate it, guys? You're at the beach and there's no place to change into your trunks. So you wrap a towel around yourself, so no-one sees your face.
Catholic Church reasserts its moral authority on contraception: "If God believed in birth control, altar boys would have a uterus."
This is just a hunch, but I bet airplanes think helicopters are assholes.
If you want to see a comic strip, you should see me in the shower.
Inner child, what do you suggest? 'I WANT A TREEHOUSE!' Anything else to add? 'FARTY NOISE UNDER THE ARM!'