Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1171
If you get made fun of working at Pier One Imports, you can’t pelt them with poop.
The first sentence that I was taught to say by my parents as a little boy was, " Of course I know that I'm wrong."
When deciding between two competing theories, always go with the one that doesn't involve a magic spell.
Always think twice before asking anything of anyone that ends in the words, "on your face."
If you happen to catch on fire during the show, do not panic or wave your arms around or scream or we wil give something to panic and wave you arms around and scream about.
I am so tired of rearranging my life around what the stupidest people might do.
My uncles were all funny. My dad wasn’t funny, but my uncles were all funny. Now I go back and I like him better than them, they were manipulative funny.
Homo sapiens are the only mammals who intentionally hold "Beard Of Bees" competitions.
Our Times, a Brief History: As televisions became flatter, People became rounder.
You might be a redneck if your wife weighs more then your refrigerator.
Nothing says used car dealership like wacky inflatable tube men writhing about in the wind
Isn't Bush the worst president ever? I mean, when his term is over, he has to walk back to Texas.