Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1203
I’ll defend child pornography, how about that? What’s wrong with seeing some child pornography? What if you watch child pornography because you find it hilarious? Then should it not a protected freedom of speech?
My girlfriend is named Lynn. She spells her name "Lynn". My old girlfriend's name is Lyn, too, but she spells it "Lyn". Every now and then I screw up, I call my new girlfriend by my old girlfriend's name, and she can tell because I don't say "n" as long.
My mom gave me one of those cloth calendars for the kitchen. It took me three hours to sew in a dental appointment.
Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.
How many kids do you have? Two. Don't have any more. That's the highest acceptable point... from now on take it in the ass.
You might be a redneck if when you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can lose them or not.
If you want to see what I'll look like as an old guy, check out any recent photo of me.
I don't own a cell phone or a pager. I just hang around everyone I know, all the time. If someone needs to get a hold of me they just say, "Mitch," and I say, "what" and turn my head slightly.
Where is the good will in the thought, "I was going to throw this in the garbage, do you want to wear it?"
I've gained no wisdom, no insight, no mellowing. I would make all the same mistakes again, today.
You might be a redneck if you have a color coordinating rope that ties down your car hood.
My grandmother takes care of herself. She started walking 5 miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 today. We don’t know where the hell she is.
My dad's full of encouragement and support. It just feels like abandonment and neglect.