Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1204
When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?
And then we get here and five minutes after we arrive, the skies open up. It's completely nice and there was a rainbow above the thing we were shooting. So, I don't know, if God didn't want us to shoot, he sure fucked up today.
When I was growing up, my mom would have a toast at the beginning of a reunion: 'You're killing your father.'
You might be a redneck if an expired license plate means another decoration for your living room wall.
The Unbookables are supposed to be unbookable. That's what it's all about.
I have a quantum car. Every time I look at the speedometer I get lost.
President Bush has said that he does not need approval from the UN to wage war, and I'm thinking, well, hell, he didn't need the approval of the American voters to become president, either.
Along with the 97 percent of women who can see, I have never been a fan of redheaded men.
That son of mine, when they made him they broke the mold. Then they set it on fire to be sure.
Look, there is nothing you can say about this show that I don't already know.
You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something.