Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1207
Does anyone actually think that Beckham knows he’s in America? I think he just follows a football and all he notices is that it occasionally gets warmer.
You might be a redneck if you won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car.
That's the authentic punk dance. It's like a child dizzy on lemonade.
Some people need Hell. If you’re the type of guy who sees a hooker in an alleyway and instinctively thinks, “Hey, now there’s something I could rape and kill without any consequences,” then the concept of Hell might really keep you out of trouble.
I think my favorite sound is the sound of someone not playing the bongos.
What is the fear of the 'gay agenda' that has so upset people? Do people think that if gay people are given a place at the table, they'll be so convincing we'll all end up blowing them? What is the issue? 'You know, I'm straight, but you've made such a convincing argument...'
It’s hard to be happy for someone when you know deep down they’d kill you if they had the chance.
Seems the first person to call someone a whore is usually another whore.
A fly was very close to being called a land, because that's what it does half the time.
They have the slowest bartender in town. If you ever wanna quit drinkin, ask him for a beer.
He has no idea what it was like to grow up in the South, where you had to hold your head down.
I don’t have a girlfriend. I just know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that.
Look at his face. I bet his cornflakes try to crawl out of the bowl.