Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1210
I believe that everyone should be treated as an individual. Women should be treated equally in the right to vote, sure. But if I'm paying to see a comedy then I just want to see who's funniest, with everyone treated equally. I'm not going to say, 'Oh, I should see a woman this time because I saw a man last time.' It's hard to have blanket opinions.
In the 80's we had high, high, waisted pants, that if they came up any higher they'd have to go up another size, if you know what I mean.
The Statue of Liberty really is profound, I just wish she'd lighten up a bit.
Will Ferrell (George Bush) ... I've chosen to schedule this impromptu address at night, because quite frankly, every time I speak during the day the stock market goes in the crapper ... so sorry Asian markets, you take the hit on this one ...
America has so much debt, if she were a person she'd need a co-signer to get a car loan.
A fly was very close to being called a land, because that's what it does half the time.
He was so narrow minded that if he fell on a pin it would blind him in both eyes.
Water polo would be much more interesting if they hadn't gotten rid of the horses.
I don't see teenagers anymore. I see... I see youths. Slumped S shapes in their hoodies, all huddled round a bin of burning grannies. All texting eachother because they've given up on speech.
Natural child birth means no drugs will be administered into the female’s body during the delivery. The father can have all he wants.
Charles Darwin wrote a famous book in 18[gibberish]. And that book was an interesting book, cuz it was called "Monkey-Monkey-Monkey-Monkey-Monkey-Monkey-You"
Why are women wearing perfumes that smell like flowers to attrat men? Men don’t like flowers. I wear a scent called “new-car interior.”