Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1210
Why couldn't, uh, why couldn't have Rush Limbaugh croaked from it instead of Heath Ledger?
I bought these shoes in Taiwan, and they said in the inside "made around the corner."
If I masturbate while Googling myself, which part is more redundant?
You might be a redneck if Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.
Patriotism for the sake of is like choosing sides in a war based on the color of their uniforms.
She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.
Here at CBS, spring also means March Madness. I love the name March Madness. I’m glad the PC police haven’t made us change March Madness to "early spring psychosis."
The Unbookables are supposed to be unbookable. That's what it's all about.
I like the way you don't like me, but still let me have sex with you because you don't like yourself.
"My mother made us eat all sorts of vitamins and supplements, until one day I nearly choked on part of The Sunday Times."
I don't believe in Jesus or God. But I do believe that fundamentalists in religion or anything else are bad, and that they have more hate than love. Jesus' words have become so perverted over time – it's been like a game of telephone. If he existed, Jesus would fuckin' kill himself.
I do not need help destroying my relationship. I was raised by my father. I've completed a thirty-year seminar on the power of destroying relationships.
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?