Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 20
Sit back there and say my hair ain't luxurious, when you know it is, bitch!
I once went on a date with a girl where we went hiking... and she gets bit by a snake in between her toes, andI had to suck out the poison... so she’s dead.
I came from a real tough neighborhood. In the local restaurant I sat down and had broken leg of lamb.
Who wants to blow their husband? You want to blow a guy that you've been dating. And he's mysterious and you suck his cock and go home. Who wants to blow a guy and then go to IKEA with him all day?
All the nations of the earth must learn to live together in peace. Why be prejudiced against anyone because of their race, nationality, or creed? When there’s so many real reasons to hate others.
If I ever saw bat shit, I’d be like, ‘that’s crazy.’ That's some crazy excrement right there. That looks like my ex-girlfriend's personality.
I've always dated Jewish men, and I don't know why. What am I saying? I know exactly why that is - it's because I have a really little vagina.
My girlfriend wants an open relationship. I said no way. What kind of man would I be if I had to tell my friends I date you?
?If a mutha fucka call you a crackhead for 20 years, Bitch you are smoking crack! Whitney done smoked her kneecaps off, and we still talking about "Uh UH!"
I guess the biggest issue my husband and I are going to have is how do we raise the baby… because he’s Jewish and I’m Protestant and the baby’s father is Catholic.
Just what is the handicapped parking situation at the Special Olympics? Is it still just the two spaces?
When I hear 'yee-haw!', that scare the shit outta me. Cuz I know what come next. Y'all remember? Y'all's ancestors used to hang us for kicks? ..Muthafuckin on the weekend, hot, couldn't get no pussy? 'Let's go down to the jail, get a couple of them black ones and just string 'em up. ..yeehaww..' ..When I hear that, shit crawl all up and down my neck.