Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 375
I talk to a lot of librarians, and there's always a steady drumbeat of how libraries are places of community. But a lot of them have also recently - and just in the nick of time - refurbished, because during this economic downturn, people have a tendency to borrow instead of buy.
I'm not politically correct. I still say 'black,' I do. Because 'African American' - there's no bonus; it's not going to make your life any easier. You don't see black people standing around going, 'Woo yeah, African American. Man, I tell you, this beats the hell out of being black. We should have made the switch years ago.'
When someone you love is hurting, if it was possible, you'd want to take their pain for them. But do I really want cramps and sore boobs?
I like to work on New Year's Eve. It has a nice spirit; a nice feel about it. If you are all about the 'year-end' thing at all, then laughing with fellow human beings is a great way to start the new year.
My dad and I, we used to play baseball. I was the catcher. Which I liked. Until one day, I saw this game on TV, and I said, "Hang on, how come their catcher doesn't have his hands tied to his ankles?"
The way that these girls keep themselves skinny is awful, isn't it? By vomiting or using hard drugs - which I can't afford.
I don't know why some people get worked up about gay people marrying. It's not gay people who are "ruining the sanctity of marriage," it's celebrities.
Free hot dogs here, all you can eat! Get your foot long and a bag of nuts!
It was awkward and embarrassing, but you have to go through things, ... I got through it and I'm happy it's over with and I can move forward and start playing.
It is better to risk starving to death then surrender. If you give up on your dreams, what's left?
The hard part about living in the present is it forces you to abandon hope for the future. Thanks for nothing, now.
People are condescending, they don't listen, and it's contributed to a really unfortunate anti-intellectualism in this country.