Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 374
She's never seen a single Paul Walker movie? That's a huge Oh-No-No! She also doesn't care about Blu-ray?!
I hate the word housewife; I don't like the word home-maker either. I want to be called Domestic Goddess.
Quasimodo was running down the street chased by a group of kids. He said, ‘For the last time, I haven’t got your football.’
Oh yeah jerking off is like an aerobic thing for me now man, I'm 40, I do it everyday, I do it everyday. Hell, I've even gone beyond porno, I'm back to regular network TV.
You know what your problem is, it's that you haven't seen enough movies - all of life's riddles are answered in the movies.
In my experience, it's all wonderful with girls until about 16. Around that time, boys kind of calm down and start focusing their testosterone. Girls get a little challenging, especially for fathers.
A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.
(Referring to the Muslim concept of achieving 72 virgins upon arrival in heaven) The first half-dozen or so will be nice, but after that, I'm going to want a pro.
Gay men, if they've been straight and turn gay, they're gay, honey.
A girl's legs are her best friends... but even the best of friends must part.
Revenge is for the weak so I have settled my vendettas with all of the kids who made my early life a living hell.