Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 547
Nela - can you come and disinfect this please. I don't want our customers complaining that our fruit tastes like New Zealanders.
I don't mind a crowd's not laughing; it's the groans that slow down the show.
One time I saw two geese fighting and I thought, this is a pillow fight, ahead of time.
What's that? My six song album entitled "Bo Fo Sho" is currently available on iTunes? With three songs that have never been heard on the internet? Uh, and if I try to pirate it for free I'll get AIDS? I would have guessed scurvy. Well, see you later ghost of Dr.Martin Luther King Jr.
There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.
According to a new geographic literacy study 4 out of 10 American students couldn't find Iraq on a map. However 10 out of 10 Mexicans could find the U.S. without a map.
We’re having a traditional Thanksgiving - turkey, mashed potatoes, hat buckles, smallpox, genocide, a blue corn moon, etc.
I just got punked by a homeless man, he asked me 4 some $ so I gave him $5..this bitch had the nerve 2 say "WTF am I suppose 2 do with this" I then said "Get sumthin 2 eat" he then said "I don't want 2 eat no fucking fast food shit, that shit will have me shitting on the streets"
What are you so mad about? That we still have a government? We still have “traffic lights.” We’re sorry. The government’s not perfect, but some people wish it was better, not gone.
As long as you don't have sex with kids or kill anybody you can do whatever the fuck you want in my church!
Whenever you are single, all you see are couples, but whenever you are a couple, all you see are hookers.