Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 625
I want to make a revolving door that says 'Pull' on it, just see how obedient people are.
Every job has parts of it that are a giant pain in the ass - whether you carry a penis or a purse.
No kid in the world, no woman in the world should ever raise a hand against a no-good daddy. That's already been taken care of: A Man Who Destroys His Own Home Shall Inherit the Wind.
For my stand-up, I always have my notebook with me and if something strikes me, I'll write it down.
Stop worrying. Hollywood won't turn your daughter into a nymphomaniac or get her hooked on drugs... I will.
She was so ugly that if you grab a dictionary and look under the word ugly you would see her picture.
I'm having trouble convincing my girlfriend to start a fight club.
I think the most annoying language is a tie between all the ones I don't know how to speak.
She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
I heard a quote once in a documentary about a band that said you're better off owning everything 100 percent and selling 20,000 copies of an album than signing with a record company and selling a million copies. There has never been a truer statement about show business than that.
You must study their deliveries, their use of their bodies, their timing, and their use of audio and vocal effects.
When you take a pause before delivering your punch line, you will be using silence as a creative entity in itself.