Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 658
I don't think that's a cute accent on dudes - the French accent. It makes my vagina shut like a steel trap. I mean, thank god for that other hole.
Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
I will just order the most effeminate-sounding drink on the menu... 'I would like the breezy tampon please.' Not sure what would be in the breezy tampon exactly -- tomato juice I guess.... but it would be cute because it would be served with a little maraschino fetus.
Love is like a roll of tape. It's real good for making two things one, but just like that roll of tape, love sometimes breaks off before you were done. Another way that love is similar to tape, that I've noticed is sometimes it's hard to see the end. You search on the roll with your fingernail.
I don't remember much about my bar mitzvah. The only thing I remember - I killed! That's what I remembered. Nobody could follow me at my bar-mitzvah. It was over when I was done.
I love Fear Factor, but I think they're running out of fears. It's only a matter of time before they're sitting around doing shots of Hepatitis C.
Tina Fey is part of a generation of women who have changed the face of comedy at 'Second City,' 'SNL,' in sitcoms and in film.
We show-ed a lot of intensity on defense early. But we missed one of our point guards who is the spark for our defense.
Don't talk to strangers. Sure, unless you want to meet anyone ever.
Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you're telling them to do, you have to keep loving them just as much.
I wanted to get from 4th street to 8th... Then I remembered Einstein postulating that parallel lines eventually meet. They're dredging my car from Lake Michigan as we speak.
Sometimes you get the sense that the Creator is getting to that point of "Yeah, we might have to reboot."