Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 697
Some guys shave it up. Um, Dave Coulier from Full House shaves his balls. Tell you friends, tell everybody. Tell the world. Tell the world. Joey shaves his balls. I've said it. On television.
I didn't know my Dad - he moved out early. And my mom's politics were kind of hardscrabble. She didn't think about Democrats or Republicans. She thought about who made sense. I've been both in my life.
A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.
I'd love to be a woman for one day of my life... God... I would be drunk with power.
If it doesn't know what to charge you for nosebleed seats, your team sucks.
You might be a redneck if you've ever filled your deer tag on the golf course.
I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they’d never expect it.
I think I've far exceeded what I ever thought I could possibly do. I'm almost shocked that I'm still around after all of these years... and always grateful that I get another turn to do something.
It is pretty crazy living with a physical disability. I have to deal with people in weird ways. I was walking down the street and this woman walks up to me and she goes, “You know, I think it’s so inspirational that you’re out.”
I thought, "I'm gonna try that at my house!" Well apparently, bologna and string cheese is not a real big turn on to a blindfolded woman.