Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 777
People who say things like "My eyes aren't what they used to be." So what did they used to be? Ears? Wellington boots?
Anyone can dabble, but once you've made that commitment, your blood has that particular thing in it, and it's very hard for people to stop you.
Don't bother me while I'm eating, or when I'm coming out of the crackhouse or something. Just let me get going.
I was once involved in a same-sex marriage. There was the same sex over and over and over.
A person that is going to go out and get so drunk that you're going to get sick is just an<br /> all-time dumb person.
When you interrupt, you've stopped listening. People need to be heard.
Life can be really hard some times but its better than being a butterfly where you only live a month.
There will never be a good time financially to get married unless you're Shaq or Ray Romano. But somehow people manage. If your man is using money as an excuse not to marry you its your relationship that's insecure not his bank account.
Women save every single thing you give them. What we consider gifts they consider potential evidence that could be used against you at a later date. That’s why they have so many shoes. They just need the boxes to save all the crap that we give them.
I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don’t trust any organization that has a handbook.
If you properly clean a room, it gets dirtier before it gets cleaner.
If someone loves you and they leave and don't come back, it was never meant to be. If someone loves you and they leave and come back, set them on fire.