Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 827
That's what I am; I'm a drip. You still get hydrated, you still get your nutrients, just a little at a damn time.
I don't want to say work is who I am, but some people feel more centered and more whole when they're producing and creating.
How come there’s no self-effacing rappers? “Had to go to Goodwill to get this jacket/ that’s ‘cause I’m in a low-income tax bracket.”
It should not be an act of social disobedience to light a cigarette. Unless you're actually a doctor working at an incubator.
People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.
My act is sort of improvisational. I have a skeleton in my head, but no fat or skin on it.
Well, you know when you're rocking in a rocking chair, and you go so far that you almost fall over backwards, but at the last instant you catch yourself? That's how I feel all the time.
I was 18 when I started. I was hanging out with some friends and they asked if I had tried stand-up before. I hadn't, but I thought: 'What the hell?' So I went to an open mic night, and I liked it.
My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. an antler got stuck in my throat.
Night to night, doing the clubs is a lot of fun too because you have a lot more freedom and you don't have to worry about swearing or going off the script or going long or going short. If you bomb, only a handful of people see it. On TV, a lot of people see it.
Thanks Kate, and don't forget to call that number, there is no such thing as a little crack problem.