Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 845
An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
In ancient times they sacrificed the virgins. Men were not about to sacrifice the sluts!
I got recognized today in Dixons, a member of staff came up to me and said ‘hey your that mad bloke off the tele’, I went ‘thats me’, and he went ‘no, your that mad bloke….off the tele!’
What's with this sudden choice of disorders we get right now? When I was a kid, we just had crazy people. That's it, just crazy people.
I won't talk about what it was like in prison, except to say I'm glad I'm out and that I plan never to go back and to pay my taxes every day.
My first open mic was fantastic. I crushed. And my second mic was as bad as my first one was good.
A lot of people think that kids say the darnedest things. But so would you if you had no education. You’d just be like, "I am bike cheese." Because you wouldn’t know what words were.
God lets you be successful because he trusts you that you will do the right thing with it. Now, does he get disappointed often? All the time, because people get there and they forget how they got it.
Actually, my cd was released in 1985, in return for two German missionaries and a Dutch urologist.
Everyone knows that Jews control the media and banks and stuff. But did you know that when you go to a carnival and you have to be a certain height to go on a ride, Jews control that height? It has nothing to do with safety. It’s just us flexing our Semitic muscles.
After I left high school and got my GED, I studied broadcast journalism for a year at a community college.
The Marines was a fresh start - that is why they shave your head. I wish they would let you change your name.