Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 847
Bill Cosby was the first comedian I was exposed to, because he doesn't curse.
I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary.
You go and you buy a lottery ticket. You've got just as much chance of getting struck by lightning as you do of winning the lottery.
I don’t know what’s going on with Britney. I think by now she’s her own species. We need to catch her, tag her and send her back out into her natural habitat - Starbucks - so we can observe her and learn more about her.
Father's Day makes me wish I could talk to my Dad just one more time, instead of all the time.
My fondest childhood memory is when I was twelve years old. I made out with my babysitter, Cathy. She stops in the middle of everything. “We have to stop this. I feel like such a whore.”<br /> “Why? I’m not paying you? My parents are!”
It was so hot today I went to a cash point machine just to enjoy the feel of a cold gun against the back of my neck.
I always wanted to make strangers and friends and family laugh. I was over ten years younger than my brothers. It was hard to get attention without some kind of gimmick, like athletic stardom or being funny.
Night to night, doing the clubs is a lot of fun too because you have a lot more freedom and you don't have to worry about swearing or going off the script or going long or going short. If you bomb, only a handful of people see it. On TV, a lot of people see it.
We've heard they've had signs up about Cuero for the last three weeks, ... We're excited about playing this game but not to the point where we do not know what we're doing. We just have to go into the game with intensity and remain focused on our goal.
Hecklers need to be dealt with. Then walk away and do your shit.