Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 848
It's not about trying to be funny all the time. It's more of a document that hopefully is funny.
You might be a redneck if there is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.
Once I realised the value of making people laugh, I got very good at it. Fast.
Procrastination is not the problem. It is the solution. It is the universe's way of saying stop, slow down, you move too fast. Listen to the music. Whoa whoa, listen to the music. Because music makes the people come together, it makes the bourgeois and the rebel. So come on people now, smile on your brother, everybody try to love one another. Because what the world needs now is love, sweet love. And I know that love is a battlefield, but boogie on reggae woman because you're gonna make it after all. So celebrate good times, come on. I've gotta stop I've gotta come to my senses, I've been out riding fences for so long... oops I did it again... um... What I'm trying to say is, if you leave tonight and you don't remember anything else that I've said, leave here and remember this: Procrastinate now, don't put it off.
If you have more fish on your wall than pictures, you might be a redneck.
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
Dinah Shore? Wonderful woman. Dinah formed a foundation to locate missing senior citizens by putting their pictures on prune juice bottles.
Dating is great unless you don't like horrible awkwardness, lying, and a deep foreboding sense of disappointment that never goes away.
It's hard on an all-gay softball team because no one knows if they want to be a pitcher or a catcher.
Dear girl seductively sucking a lollipop in her pics. We get it. It's a cock. A yummy peen. Too nail on the head.
I was watching MTV and there were girls dancing in suspended cages. That would be an ambivalent situation: "I'm trapped! ...but enjoying the music".
Something's wrong with my television set. I got C-Span and the Home Shopping Network on the same station. I actually bought a congressman.
If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times, does he become disoriented?