Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 848
Hecklers need to be dealt with. Then walk away and do your shit.
It's not about trying to be funny all the time. It's more of a document that hopefully is funny.
As I was leaving this morning, I said to myself 'the last thing you must do is forget your speech.' And sure enough, as I left the house this morning, the last thing I did was to forget my speech.
The only people I owe an apology to are my dead parents. Except my father because he's still alive.
My lucky number is four billion. That doesn't come in real handy when you're gambling. "Come on, four billion! Darn! Seven. Not even close. I need more dice."
If I try to cover too much ground, you start to get watered down and less interesting.
I do know its important to keep the romantic spark alive in your marriage. But with four kids, sometimes it’s enough just to keep yourself alive.
I think it's easier for African American and white comics to be praised than it is Latinos because they think our culture or our humor is substandard. I mean, I just don't think they want to give us credit. I just don't think that they see us as important enough to be at their level. I'm the longest-produced comedy at Warner Bros. and I don't feel special. They come over and say hello. But everybody's gonna make a lot of money and I don't feel like I'm special to them.
As an actor, there was that freedom of not having to worry about lights or marks or other people. It was just going out there and having fun with the character.
So I said, "Where do you want to go for your anniversary?" She said: "I want to go somewhere I've never been before." I said, "Try the kitchen."
Every comedian has a moment in his life when he realizes he's a little bit different from everyone else. It's like being the only guy in a movie who sees the ghost. The ghost talks to you and you talk to him. Then you turn to your friend and say, "Hey. Do you see that ghost?" And he says, "What ghost?"
When I'm 70 I might be a man in a park just wandering around, speaking in tongues with kids throwing bread at me.
You know, be able to do something great in your life, you're gonna have to realize your failures. You're gonna have to embrace them and figure out how to overcome it.