Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 873

Have you seen that show on CBS called 'The Amazing Race'? Is that show about white people?

Sex is just gross. If you just break it down into what it is. It’s just disgusting. Do you ever watch porno after you cum? Ugh.

Ten years after the Chernobyl accident, and am I the only one that's disappointed? Still no superheros.

Megachurches. I can't be the only one frightened when our houses of worship sound like they could take on Godzilla.

Life is like a concentration camp... you can't leave without dying.

I love devastating movies, documentaries and hummingbirds (yes, in that order).

If you ask me right now, you've seen the last of Mind of Mencia. I don't want to be a one-trick pony. I would rather walk away and do more movies, comedy and even some dramatic roles.

Just went to a lovely Catholic wedding. I need a drink. They didn't even offer us water. Well they did, but it was Holy water.

My shrink told me it was pointless to believe in myself.

I feel like I've got this anti-marriage thing, but it's less that and more I'm overthinking it to get it right.

I am like Hugh Hefner minus anything good about his life.

I was wondering if Circuit City could possibly make their receipts just a little bit longer.

If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.

She’s a classy girl though, at least all her tattoos are spelt right.

Well this is just a fist. But when I start throwing it around I can leave one hell of a mess.