Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 941
If we did a reunion show we should do it now and show it in 10 years just so everybody still looks good.
Why don't you get me a gift? I'm still single! I don't know if you can register at a liquor store, but I would like to try.
Leave me alone, Baldrick. If I wanted to talk to a vegetable, I would have bought one at the market.
Is it a bad sign when you see the person you're dating and get the same feeling as if you just saw police lights in you're rear view mirror?
The one equal right that women will never get... is the equal right of just being able to fuck shamelessly, like men do.
You have to remember: the wife been home all day cleaning asses and feeding faces. Sometimes the opposite.
Hello niggas, Hello bitches! Ladies I hope you don't mind me calling you bitches cuz I don't know you all by name.
Twitter seems like a busman’s holiday: just more writing. I have no plans to do it. I’ll just stick with my 24/7 webcam. I’m old-fashioned that way.
There was a man sitting in the dining room of the Titanic, he said: "I know I asked for ice, but this is ridiculous."
So I went to a club the other day, which is timely because my self esteem had been hovering right around ‘normal’ and I had been meaning to knock it down to negative 1000.
Do you reckon the Queen has ever pulled a blanket up so just her head's showing and gone 'Philip, look at me! I'm a stamp!'