Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 944
Just because he’s busy doesn’t make him more valuable. “Busy” does not mean “better”.
That's an interesting philosophical question. When your boner goes away, is that one gone... forever?
My father was from Aberdeen, and a more generous man you couldn't wish to meet. I have a gold watch that belonged to him. He sold it to me on his deathbed. I wrote him a cheque for it, post dated of course.
I like staying in hotels because you can leave a message for somebody and you don't even need to know their name, just, like, a room number. 'Hey, can I get a pen? I just want to leave a message. My friend's in 710. Yeah, thanks.' 'Leprechaun's gonna fuck you up at midnight.' 'Honey, what is this? Did you anger a small Irish man?'
In these tough economic times, everybody has to cut back. I am down to three tabs of ecstasy a day.
I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.
Researches reported that they developed a "self-healing" plastic that repairs itself if cracked. The plastic will change the way airplanes are built and medicine is practiced. In a related story, Joan Rivers will never die.
I'm a nerd. I'm a little guy... the last guy you'd expect in a romantic movie.
When you see the veins popping out of my neck, that's an exclamation point.