Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 986
You might be a redneck if you think 'N Sync is where the dirty dishes go.
The mai tai got its name when two Polynesian alcoholics got in a fight over some neckwear.
I hate to see a woman cry, unless of course I'm crying first in which case I feel it's appropriate.
It's a positive thing to talk about terrible things and make people laugh about them.
Stand-up is a lot like sex. There's a lot of crying involved and I get paid to do it.
"The videos are hysterical. Almost matching Bob Saget's creative introductions to them". Actually, my parents said that. But then they also once said, "We're very disappointed in you, Bob." They said that, but that was before I had this show.
I can go from blokey to girlie in 15 minutes and then I'm out the door. But that's the fastest I can do it. Becoming a woman takes work.
Thank you people that are laughing with your hand away from your mouth. That joke is clearly not for everyone, but I enjoy watching people that don’t laugh make the people that do laugh feel shitty about themselves.
You might be a redneck if... the blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.
You know, folks, the French have always been reluctant to surrender to the wishes of their friends, and almost anticipatory in their urge to surrender to the wishes of their enemies.
You should never be mean to other girls. I don't care what grade you're in. Be nice to people until you're my age... and you have your own TV show.
I like American women. They do things sexually Russian girls never dream of doing - like showering.