Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 987
I'd be happy to be taken as a woman - and that's what I was initially trying to do when I started throwing on dresses and stuff. But that wasn't going to happen because everyone kept calling me sir. So I thought I'd change the method and just start wearing what I wanted to wear.
I was the editor of the school newspaper and in drama club and choir, so I was not a popular girl in the traditional sense, but I think I was known for being relatively scathing.
"Do you know what it is sir? Do you know what the Dance Dance Revolution is? It's not an actual revolution, so you don't have to worry about that. It's not like a bunch of Asians are going to knock on your door 'Hey! Start dancing!'"
They got this program called Intervention. White people get on planes and boats and buses then go all the way across country to save the one muthafucka in the family who’s on crack. Black people don’t do shit like that. If you’re on crack, that’s your business.
Black movies don't have real names, they have names like Barbershop. That's not a name, that's just a location.
It's funny how cucumber water can taste so much better than pickle juice, even though they come from the same source.
I love it in a movie when they throw a guy off a cliff. I love it even when it's not a movie. No, especially when it's not a movie.
"I'm bored" is a useless thing to say. You live in a great, big, vast world that you've seen none percent of.
My thinking is, if we're setting out to make comedy in which nothing is off limits, then everybody is fair game.
I’ll tell you what’s better than watching the sunrise… Sleeping through it.
This girl asked me out one time. She told me she was an actress in porno movies. I’m like, “Alright, when do you want to go out?”<br /> She goes, “I’m working Tuesday and Wednesday. How about Thursday?”<br /> “Uh, how about Monday?”