Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 989
You might be a redneck if taking a dip has nothing to do with water.
There's more evil in the charts than in an Al-Qaeda suggestion box.
Does anyone know... does the Christian persecution complex have an expiration date? Because... uh... you've all been in charge pretty much since... uh... what was that guys name... Constantine. He converted in, what was it, 312 A.D. I'm just saying, enjoy your success.
I would have felt a little funny if another actor was playing this role.
I swear if Colgate comes out with one more type of toothepaste. I just want clean teeth that's all I want. I don't want the tartar and I don't want the cavaties. And I want white teeth. How come I have to choose? And then they have the 'Colgate Total' that supposedly has everything in there. I don't believe that for one second. If it's all in the one, how come they make all the others? Who's going: "I don't mind the tartar so much."?
They’ve bought out a condom now for people with premature ejaculation and they’ve put an anesthetic in the lining that makes you numb and you can last for longer. Or, you can wear it inside out and you don’t have to wake anybody up!
You know if I had nickel for every time Bush has mentioned 9/11, I could raise enough reward money to go after Bin Laden.
Love is too weak a word for what I feel - I luuurve you, you know, I loave you, I luff you, two F's, yes.
Technically it's not premarital sex if you don’t plan on marrying them.
It isn't a matter of black is beautiful as much as it is white is not all that's beautiful.
We can sit and worry about what's going to happen to us two weeks from now. I'd rather focus on the amazing things happening right in front of us.