Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 990
It used to be Rhodesia, before they killed all them white muthafuckas.
My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
Political correctness seems to me to be about an institutionalized politeness at its worst.
The lord works in mysterious ways. Indeed. And a shorter way to say that is: God is a sneak.
A new poll shows only 3 percent strongly approve of the job Congress is doing, with a margin of error of 4 percent, so it’s possible that "less than no one" thinks they’re doing a good job.
In school I was never the class clown, but more the class trapeze artist, as I was always being suspended.
Earth Day was created because we were doing a lot of drugs, more drugs than you could ever imagine. And so we came up with Earth Day, so we'd have one day that would remind us what planet we were living on.
My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him. I can't help thinking he would have been better off with more oxygen.
Halloween seems to be getting bigger every year. I noticed a pattern this year with girls' costumes. Girls will take a typically altruistic career -- such as librarian, nurse, maybe nun -- and turn her into a whore.
If my dog wants to know why I didn't feed him this morning, he may want to rethink walking out of the room when I'm telling him a joke.
Life is a struggle, and if you should feel really happy, be patient: this will pass.