Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 990
The sixties were when hallucinogenic drugs were really, really big. And I don't think it's a coincidence that we had the type of shows we had then, like The Flying Nun.
If I put forth a legitimate effort, then I feel like, if that doesn't work out, that's all I can do.
Most people think, "Life sucks, and then you die." I disagree. I think life sucks. Then you get cancer. Then you go into chemotherapy. You lose all your hair, you feel bad about yourself. Then all of the sudden the cancer goes into remission, and then all of the sudden you have a stroke. You can't move your right side. And then, maybe, you die.
You can start any Monty Python routine and people finish it for you. Everyone knows it like shorthand.
I started out as an impressionist and that`s all about observing - how people move, their voice quality, their attitudes and quirks.
And my only rule being if when I wake in the morning I'm looking forward to the things that I have to do that day, then I'm on the right track.
Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.
You know how you always expect someone to think the same as you and then your like, really shocked when they don't? Like when it's a cold day and you turn to the person next to you and say, 'Its so cold, aren't you cold?' and then they say 'no.' It's kinda like, 'what, are you a communist?'
Everything Reagan does, Gorbachev does him one better. Reagan wears the flag of his country on his lapel. Gorby wears the map of his country on his forehead.
You know you can't just run and shoot people in the knee-caps with double barreled shotgun 'cause you're pissed at them.
You know, the New Testament is pretty old. I think they should call them the Old Testament and the Most Recent Testament.
Rush Limbaugh. He should come out everyday with shit on his face. And just sit down at that fucking desk with that smug stupid little smile and say, “I was talking to Pat Robertson today as you can see.”
Drive, ego and cocksureness are all essential elements in terms of getting exactly what you want but losing everything you've got.