Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1079
The other guys are selling certainty. Not me. I'm on the corner with doubt.
In this country, a smart leader is suspect. That's just the way it is. Even George Bush's father, who was a lot smarter than the son, had to sort of prove that he wasn't that bright.
It's a dream come true to have someone else portray me. Because I've been living this life for a long time, and I'm over myself.
I don't know how long i could be a vet before i got bored and started shagging stuff.
It's hard dealing with day to day disappointments and feeling like you can't find success. Especially when your best friend is Pixar.
Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.
I visit Fox News every now and again, and it’s nice, because the Eye of Mordor is above the building.
You get really disillusioned, because you thought you were in love. But you realize that you’re just alone.
Do you guys have to sell everything? I'd like to buy the Earth's core.
You know when you're sitting on a chair and you lean back so you're just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time...