Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1079
I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
Today I saw a guy who looked like me in a funhouse mirror. He looked at me like, "Hey, that's how I look reflected in the pond!"
People think that you are a nasty, selfish person if you don't want to have children.
My mother could make anybody feel guilty - she used to get letters of apology from people she didn't even know.
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
I want to leave the world as I entered it: naked and crying in a room full of strangers.
Conservative talk radio hosts have conned the American people into thinking there is such a thing as a pro-life, pro-war, pro-gun, pro-death penalty Christian.
I have the worst memory ever so no matter who comes up to me - they're just, like, 'I can't believe you don't remember me!' I'm like, 'Oh Dad I'm sorry!'
Shouldn't the trophy for the Grammys be a sweet, old lady giving you a pie?
[If this is the answer, what is the question: Up To 18 Months] What is Stephen Hawking's personal best for the London marathon?