Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1079
I heard that in relativity theory, space and time are the same thing. Einstein discovered this when he kept showing up three miles late for his meetings.
My father said, "Bring along your best girl." This is something you say to a pimp!
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
I think it would be cool if you were writing a ransom note on your computer, if the paper clip popped up and said, 'Looks like you're writing a ransom note. Need help? You should use more forceful language, you'll get more money.'
I feel sorry for high school teams still named the Cougars. Now what does the coach say? "Get out there and play like horny old ladies!"
I've always really liked theater. It fascinated me. You can create a reality and get people involved in that reality. It takes place in real time.
It's the greatest when your girlfriend says to you, "dude... you need to go and get laid."
You might be a redneck if you have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit" was snubbed for best picture.