Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1079
And then you've got Lieberman, who is for the war. And thinks the tax cuts could really help. He's basically for people who want to vote for Bush but don't think Bush is Jewish enough.
Many massacres have happened when people yell "surprise"! Pearl Harbor. The Tet Offensive. My uncle's 50th birthday party. I was there, man! How many more people gotta die?
You might be a redneck if the highlight of your parties is when you flip out your false teeth.
Friends will write me letters. They run out of room on the front of the letter. They write 'over' on the bottom of the letter. Like I'm that much of a moron. Like I need that there. Because if it wasn't there, I'd get to the bottom of the page: 'And so Kathy and I went shopping and we' That's the craziest thing! I don't know why she would just end it that way.
You ever look for the remote control, but you can't find it, so you just decide, "Ah, guess I'm not watching TV. I'm not gonna take two steps and turn it on myself. I'll go to the gym if I'm going to work out."
When cornered, a rattle snake can become so angry it's been known to bite itself, which is exactly how I feel in traffic and relationships.
Friday's turmoil in global markets looks set to continue to exert a dominant force on the foreign exchange markets. The usual trend when U.S. stocks fall is that the U.S. dollar suffers.
I look hot and, most of all, skinny. I love the day after throwing up. I felt like a feather.
I think, at first blush, the '60s always enticed me. There's something about the '60s, it's not hard to like it.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
I think that after you get married a third time you have to give up a body part. Larry King would just be a head on a fucking stick.
It's nice to be in Washington, where the buck stops here. Way to go. And then it's handed out to AIG and many other people.