Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1079
I am often the one they call “You,” but I am no more “You” than you. I am me. And yet I am more “Me” than you are me or can ever be.
If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Kool Whip on the side, you might be a redneck.
This story is true. Of course, there are many lies therein and most of it did not happen, but it's all true. In that sense it is deeply religious, perhaps even biblical.
I've been having a lot of trouble sleeping as we all should. I dunno. You don't live that long. It doesn't matter.
We should fight to preserve a country where people such as Michael Moore get to miss the point as badly as he misses it. Michael Moore represents everything I detest in a human being.
You might be a redneck if you have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit" was snubbed for best picture.
You can write a great country record and still be angry. Who's angrier than Toby Keith? He's angrier than the average 10 rappers.
I can remember the first time I had to go to sleep. Mom said, "Steven, time to go to sleep." I said, "But I don't know how." She said, "It's real easy. Just go down to the end of tired and hang a left." So I went down to the end of tired, and just out of curiosity I hung a right. My mother was there, and she said "I thought I told you to go to sleep."
You might be a redneck if you have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.
Yeah, I'll take lettuce... tomato... and- I'm sorry, did you just put your balls in my sandwich?
I want to always be an interloper. I never want to feel like I'm a guy who is embraced by the people who are putting me on the air. I want to feel like I broke into the studio and took over and made them mad. If I'm not doing that, I'm not doing my job.