Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1079
It's the greatest when your girlfriend says to you, "dude... you need to go and get laid."
You might be a redneck if you have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit" was snubbed for best picture.
We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels and free thinkers. It's overrun with sheep and conformists.
In spite of the poor economy, almost 70 percent of Americans occasionally splurge on luxury items - like a blanket on a plane, or a peanut.
There is a new bill in the Senate that is upsetting a lot of people. This bill would give the President the power to shut off the Internet. Al Gore is strongly opposed to it. Not because he invented the Internet. Because he did. But because he just signed up for Match.com.
The catholic church has a lot more money than any Colombian cartel and they leave a lot more bodies in their wake.
Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it’s because at the moment they’re not actually dying.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
Most people that commit to a life of celibacy weren't leaving that much on the table in the first place.