Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1079
You might be a redneck if your soap on a rope doubles as an air freshener.
It's the greatest when your girlfriend says to you, "dude... you need to go and get laid."
You might be a redneck if you have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit" was snubbed for best picture.
We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels and free thinkers. It's overrun with sheep and conformists.
One of my friends has a stutter and a lot of people think that's a bad thing, but to me that's just like starting certain words with a drum roll. That's not an impediment, that's suspense! What's he going to say? Car?... or Carnival?... Carburetor? Man...
I understand dildos: not everybody has fifteen inches of dick to swing around to scare the children.
The key to staying together is making sure you guys like each other and need each other.
Whosoever shall not fall by the sword or by famine, shall fall by pestilence so why bother shaving?
Studies show American students are becoming less proficient in math. Experts say we should have seen this coming, but nobody could put 2 and 2 together.
You might be a redneck if you have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.
Fake titties are inversely proportioned to their owners level of self esteem. This being said, part of me loves them.
If you want to dry hump someone you don’t know, just act like they were choking.