Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1079
My dad was like a stage mother he always pushed me to do what I wanted.
To me, the media in New York and LA have always missed the essence of this country.
You might be a redneck if you think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.
People think that you are a nasty, selfish person if you don't want to have children.
The English are worried about the Euro being brought in because of loss of national identity and rising prices. In Scotland, people are just worried in case they have to close Poundstretcher.
Being a famous print journalist is like being the best-dressed woman on radio.
You might be a redneck if you have used a bar stool as a walker.
I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.
In this country, a smart leader is suspect. That's just the way it is. Even George Bush's father, who was a lot smarter than the son, had to sort of prove that he wasn't that bright.
I live in a flat with 3 women, I call it surround sound. I keep the ugly one behind the sofa as a woofer.
I don't care if you laughed at that or not, the next time you hear that shit, you're gonna be like, "Haha. That Dane Cook is a silly bitch!"
Trannies dress up like women, then try to bang straight guys. They're the adrenaline junkies of gayness.