Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1079
The plastic knife is perfect for when a person just wants to make some marks on his food and get insanely frustrated at the same time.
The catholic church has a lot more money than any Colombian cartel and they leave a lot more bodies in their wake.
Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it’s because at the moment they’re not actually dying.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
Most people that commit to a life of celibacy weren't leaving that much on the table in the first place.
The sicker you get, the harder it is to remember if you took your medicine.
My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.
I never give anyone just one congratulation. Congratulations are always plural. They are similar to grapes.
You might be a redneck if three quarters of the clothes you own have logos on them.
When you visualize the recent past, do you see it as being somewhere over on the left?
Historically, when Americans don't know what to do next, they go to Paris. Benjamin Franklin is like: 'What am I going to do now? I'll go to Paris!'