Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1079
So, I play in a band. It's a really underground band. Super underground. Very underground. Like, we don't even actually play.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
Most people that commit to a life of celibacy weren't leaving that much on the table in the first place.
The sicker you get, the harder it is to remember if you took your medicine.
I tell you, I'm not a sexy guy. I was the centerfold for Playgirl magazine. The staples covered everything!
My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.
You might be a redneck if three quarters of the clothes you own have logos on them.
I have no ambitions beyond being comfortable in what I do for a living - and earning a living.
Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.
In Washington, officials from the National Rifle Association met with a group of high school students. There were no survivors.
