Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1079
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
Given human nature, as far as I'm concerned, I think each of us should have a legal option before we are forced to be included in mankind.
Friday's turmoil in global markets looks set to continue to exert a dominant force on the foreign exchange markets. The usual trend when U.S. stocks fall is that the U.S. dollar suffers.
The dentist drills some more and you hear him make a mistake. And to cover it up, they all say the same thing: "Okay, rinse."
This is my first week as an American citizen. It's amazing. Now I can vote in the general election - and for American Idol.
Sometimes, in order to follow one’s heart, one must do the wrong thing. Now, I’m not absolving anyone of their actions; you have to be responsible for your actions, sick or well, you have to be, you just have to be. All of us are accountable.
I reject the idea there are just two sides. I think that with the amount of ideas and thoughts there are, it’s not even going to be consistent with the same person. People can hold liberal and conservative dogma points at the same time. They’re not living their lives via platforms. They’re living their lives. The whole thing is an awfully tired construct.
But I found that disappointing people is a good thing, because disapproval is freedom.
I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.
This one guy said, "Look at that girl. She's got a nice butt." I said, "Yeah, I bet she can sit down excellently!"
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
I was on a phone call with the HSBC and they said when are you gonna pay off this overdraft? I said you know what outside southeast asia its rude to call people up and ask them for money!
I've always really liked theater. It fascinated me. You can create a reality and get people involved in that reality. It takes place in real time.