Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1079
To get strangers to hate you even faster, crank up the volume on that very "interesting" ringtone of yours.
You might be a redneck if your Momma would rather go the racetrack than the Kennedy Center.
She was so fat that when guys have sex with her they ask for directions.
She was so ugly that when I bent down to pet her cat it turned out to be the hair on her legs.
One thing you never hear is "Man that guy is good at badminton."
The other guys are selling certainty. Not me. I'm on the corner with doubt.
In this country, a smart leader is suspect. That's just the way it is. Even George Bush's father, who was a lot smarter than the son, had to sort of prove that he wasn't that bright.
It's a dream come true to have someone else portray me. Because I've been living this life for a long time, and I'm over myself.
I don't know how long i could be a vet before i got bored and started shagging stuff.
It's hard dealing with day to day disappointments and feeling like you can't find success. Especially when your best friend is Pixar.