Quotes & Jokes about Babies / page 3

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

My cousin had a baby and I was watching her breastfeed for a couple of bucks, and I'll tell you ladies: it's amazing.

The most out-there thing I’m saying is, ‘Don’t have babies. Don’t get married and have kids. Have a larger life than that.'

When I asked my mother where babies came from, she thought I said "rabies". She said you get them from being bitten by a dog. The next week, a woman on my block gave birth to triplets… I thought she’d been bitten by a Great Dane.

The senator got so tired on the campaign trail that he started kissing hands and shaking babies.

Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?

I don't like people who have babies and act like they did something that the rest of us can't figure out. Anybody can have one, OK? I could have had three if I had gone through with any of my pregnancies.

I will never understand how a mother can kill her own baby and not get away with it.

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.

At least gays don’t kill babies before their due date.

We're having one of those babies soon. I'm really excited about it because it's probably my first kid.

Having a baby, it's like a five year commitment.

Or people who have one baby and go buy a minivan... how big is your baby?

Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.

And since we’re all adults here, let’s be brutally honest – most babies are not actually attractive. In fact, they’re weird and freakish looking. A large percentage of them are squinty-eyed and bald and their faces are all mushed toegther, kind of like Renee Zellweger pushed up against a glass window.