Quotes & Jokes about Babies / page 3
The most out-there thing I’m saying is, ‘Don’t have babies. Don’t get married and have kids. Have a larger life than that.'
When I asked my mother where babies came from, she thought I said "rabies". She said you get them from being bitten by a dog. The next week, a woman on my block gave birth to triplets… I thought she’d been bitten by a Great Dane.
Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?
My cousin had a baby and I was watching her breastfeed for a couple of bucks, and I'll tell you ladies: it's amazing.
The senator got so tired on the campaign trail that he started kissing hands and shaking babies.
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
I will never understand how a mother can kill her own baby and not get away with it.
I don't like people who have babies and act like they did something that the rest of us can't figure out. Anybody can have one, OK? I could have had three if I had gone through with any of my pregnancies.
We're having one of those babies soon. I'm really excited about it because it's probably my first kid.
Or people who have one baby and go buy a minivan... how big is your baby?
Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. Their families came and took them away. Eighty years later, by a bizarre coincidence, they lay in the same hospital, on their deathbeds, next to each other. One of them looked at the other and said, 'So, what did you think?'
And since we’re all adults here, let’s be brutally honest – most babies are not actually attractive. In fact, they’re weird and freakish looking. A large percentage of them are squinty-eyed and bald and their faces are all mushed toegther, kind of like Renee Zellweger pushed up against a glass window.