Quotes & Jokes about Babies / page 3

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

My cousin had a baby and I was watching her breastfeed for a couple of bucks, and I'll tell you ladies: it's amazing.

Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?

When I asked my mother where babies came from, she thought I said "rabies". She said you get them from being bitten by a dog. The next week, a woman on my block gave birth to triplets… I thought she’d been bitten by a Great Dane.

The senator got so tired on the campaign trail that he started kissing hands and shaking babies.

I don't like people who have babies and act like they did something that the rest of us can't figure out. Anybody can have one, OK? I could have had three if I had gone through with any of my pregnancies.

The most out-there thing I’m saying is, ‘Don’t have babies. Don’t get married and have kids. Have a larger life than that.'

Or people who have one baby and go buy a minivan... how big is your baby?

I will never understand how a mother can kill her own baby and not get away with it.

Having a baby, it's like a five year commitment.

Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.

At least gays don’t kill babies before their due date.

And since we’re all adults here, let’s be brutally honest – most babies are not actually attractive. In fact, they’re weird and freakish looking. A large percentage of them are squinty-eyed and bald and their faces are all mushed toegther, kind of like Renee Zellweger pushed up against a glass window.

We're having one of those babies soon. I'm really excited about it because it's probably my first kid.