Quotes & Jokes about Golf / page 3

I'm now unemployed. It's a weird feeling with no work, but at least there's still golf. Standup comedy is like my core, it's what I do. But I want to be a pro golfer. It's a love/hate relationship with golf. I can come away feeling so serene, and yet, it's the thing that I can let get to me to throw a club and say curses that don't even exist. I'm obsessed with something that won't let me master it. I don't know. I need therapy.

I think in twenty years I’ll be looked at like Bob Hope. Doing those president jokes and golf shit. It scares me.

I didn’t have a priviledged childhood like a lot of you. I grew up on a public golf course and that’s embarrassing. I lived on the right side of the fairway. All these hacks slicing into your yard. You don’t hear “Fore!” while you’re mowing. “Nothing runs like a Deere.” ‘Til a Titleist is lodged in your carburator.

Very few blacks will take up golf until the requirement for plaid pants is dropped.

I'd give up golf if I didn't have so many sweaters.

You get the feeling that Dan Quayle's golf bag doesn't have a full set of irons?

Ours is a youth culture, and like a golf tournament, we honor only low scores.

If you don't believe in the living dead, how do your explain the Golf Channel?

I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, "Let's get up here before we get killed!"

So two women who had been shot were discovered on a golf course. It sounds like someone got a hole in one and a hole on the other one.

If I get a week off, I'll go to a hotel that has a golf course. I like to come downstairs and go right onto the course. I'll do that five days in a row.

There would be nothing to get me to run for president. I don't even understand how anyone would want that job at all. Although I would be able to play golf which I don't seem to have time now.

I think one reason people play golf is it allows them to obsess about something other than the daily crap. It takes your mind off that.

The course of true golf never did run smooth.

I started playing golf when I was a kid, because across the street from where we lived there was a little nine-hole golf course where my father worked.