Quotes & Jokes about Help / page 2
Fatherhood is helping your children learn English as a foreign language.
You want to help mother Earth? Try sodomy. Sodomy is eco-friendly, and abortion is green.
"Some people just join the military because they need college money." Then they're idiots and college wasn't going to help.
If only you understood the way I felt... it wouldn't help much because I don't really like you as a person.
Self help books are pointless. Here's something for you... Men are from Mars, women are from Venus, and self help books are from Uranus.
You need an audience to help you figure out what’s working and what’s worth putting on your album or your special - or even just what’s worth touring with.
Once you begin to believe there is help "out there," you will know it to be true.
When you’re learning, sometimes you make mistakes that help you be successful. It can be, realizing, “Oh, I did this wrong” or “I wasn’t affiliated with the right people.” Those things make you better.
I hate when men think that money is gonna buy you happiness... I mean, it helps.
You know what would help the instruction form? Verbs! Verbs would be nice! Because they help you get to the end of a thought!
Sometimes, to help the people you love, you've gotta commit a felony.
You might be a redneck if your momma calls you over to help, cause she has a flat tire on her house.
It always helps to think about other people instead of ourselves.
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.