Quotes & Jokes about New York / page 4
I love when people in New York City complain about your smoking. Isn't that great? Yeah. These people are standing ankle-deep in dog links, straddling a dead guy, you know. Apparently my cigarette's fucking up the delicate balance of nature here.
Now, I'm no bleeding heart, OK? But... when you're walking down the streets of New York City and you're stepping over a guy on the sidewalk who, I don't know, might be dead... Does it ever occur to you to think, "Wow. Maybe our system doesn't work?"
New York is a funny place. I was at the coffee shop last week, and I'm paying the cashier for my cup of coffee, and the other girl got sprayed by the espresso machine with the hot milk. And her shirt was burning her, and so she just ripped it off. But she forgot she has no bra on, and so she just ran in the back. And the cashier looks at me and goes, 'That'll be an extra two bucks.'
Last night, it was so cold, the flashers in New York were only describing themselves.
Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami." She said, "We can't do that!" I told her, "You did it last week!"
I knew that I'd lived in New York too long when, a few years ago, I was on a subway going downtown, and it stopped at 14th Street. At the station, the doors opened, and the conductor announced that there was a bomb on board and we should evacuate immediately. Nobody moved. We just looked at each other, 'Do you see a bomb?' 'I don't see a bomb.' 'There’s no bomb.' 'I've only got two stops - let's go for it.'
L.A. is such a different place. I miss New York so much. I almost teared up when I came back and wanted a Guinness and realized I could drink it and take a cab home. I remembered that I could be a functional alcoholic in New York, like I used to be!
I've been trying to get into the Royal Box in New York for years. They say I'm too dirty, my material is too blue. But I think Redd, the whites and blue can be a nice combination.
I'll tell ya, in New York City, where I've lived far too long, 'fuck' isn't even a word, it's a comma.
I love New York, though I'll never eat any of the ice creams that they sell in the park. That's just disgusting. You see the little picture of them? They all have a little bite taken out of them already.
When I saw people dancing to it in jeans that had been dry-cleaned and cowboy boats and you're in New York City - that's when I said hand guns should be legal.
Is it just me, or does every woman in New York have a severe emotional problem?
Saudia Arabia takes in half a trillion dollars every year in oil revenue, and the country has a population smaller than New York state, but when your system of government is an eleventh century monarchy, someone's going to end up poor, and it's not gonna be the guy whose first name is "King."