Quotes & Jokes about New York / page 5

I'm quietly becoming New York's premiere actor. People don't understand. They have me pigeon-holed as a comedian.

I was driving back from Delaware to New York. Don't bother.

Is it just me, or does every woman in New York have a severe emotional problem?

Hillary Clinton, our junior senator from New York, announced that she has no intentions of ever, ever running for office of the President of the United States. Her husband, Bill Clinton, is bitterly disappointed. He is crushed. There go his dreams of becoming a two-impeachment family.

Saudia Arabia takes in half a trillion dollars every year in oil revenue, and the country has a population smaller than New York state, but when your system of government is an eleventh century monarchy, someone's going to end up poor, and it's not gonna be the guy whose first name is "King."

Upstate New York in the middle of October. You can't get more beautiful than that.

I just got back from New York. You ever been there? There was a big gay parade going on there when I was there, and I never been to one of them, and I like a parade. I always like a parade. So, I go there, and it turns out, it's just a bunch of gay guys.

I'll tell ya, in New York City, where I've lived far too long, 'fuck' isn't even a word, it's a comma.

Interesting poll results reported in today's New York Post: people on the street in midtown Manhattan were asked whether they approved of the US invasion of Grenada. Fifty-three percent said yes; 39 percent said no; and 8 percent said "Gimme a quarter?"

I had my boy in Boston on Easter Sunday. That kills me, from a sports perspective. He's a Boston baby and I'm a New York guy.

I've got a lot of friends there and there is stuff to do but as much as I dislike LA I really like living and working in New York City.

Helen of Troy, a hooker from Upstate New York. Never got a dinner!

I was in New York last Christmas - it's snowing; there's a guy in a t-shirt. I'm like, 'Dude, aren't you cold?' 'No, I'm from New York. I don't get cold.' Just 'cause you're from a cold place doesn't mean you're genetically predisposed to not feeling cold. You're not a penguin. I was like, 'In fact, sir, you're Puerto Rican, so if anything, you should be more cold.'

I'm street smart. You can't con me. But that's just from living in New York. Now if a guy came from Mississippi somewhere, Ohio somewhere, to New York City for the first time, he don't have the street smarts. You can take him.

In New York, you are constantly faced with this very urgent decision that you have to make, about every twenty minutes...you have to decide, immediately, you have to go "Ohmigod. Do I look at the most beautiful woman in the world or the craziest guy in the world?"