Quotes & Jokes about Wife / page 4

61 quotes

My wife and I have five children; the reason we have five children is because we do not want six.

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.

My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.

Julius Caesar’s wife, who said to Julius, "We are not naming our son Sid!" Never got a dinner!

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.

My wife was going through my car one night. She said looking for a map. I know it's bogus. 'Cause every time we drive anywhere, she knows exactly where we're going and has no problem telling me how to get there.

With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other!

My wife and I keep fighting about sex and money. I think she charges me too much.

Kid is healthy! Wife is healthy!

My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.

Never ask your wife if she still hears from her old pimp.

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.

I don't have to "freedom-kiss" my wife when what I really want to do is French-kiss her.

You take a normal guy, give him a wife, give them time, and you've got an idiot.