Quotes & Jokes about Wife / page 4

My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

My wife and I keep fighting about sex and money. I think she charges me too much.

My wife and I have five children; the reason we have five children is because we do not want six.

Julius Caesar’s wife, who said to Julius, "We are not naming our son Sid!" Never got a dinner!

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.

My wife was going through my car one night. She said looking for a map. I know it's bogus. 'Cause every time we drive anywhere, she knows exactly where we're going and has no problem telling me how to get there.

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other!

I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.

Never ask your wife if she still hears from her old pimp.

Kid is healthy! Wife is healthy!

My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.

I don't have to "freedom-kiss" my wife when what I really want to do is French-kiss her.

Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.