Quotes & Jokes about Wife / page 4

My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

My wife and I have five children; the reason we have five children is because we do not want six.

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.

My wife and I keep fighting about sex and money. I think she charges me too much.

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other!

Julius Caesar’s wife, who said to Julius, "We are not naming our son Sid!" Never got a dinner!

My wife was going through my car one night. She said looking for a map. I know it's bogus. 'Cause every time we drive anywhere, she knows exactly where we're going and has no problem telling me how to get there.

I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.

Never ask your wife if she still hears from her old pimp.

My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.

Kid is healthy! Wife is healthy!

I don't have to "freedom-kiss" my wife when what I really want to do is French-kiss her.

Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.