Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1006
I’ll tell you what’s better than watching the sunrise… Sleeping through it.
I would do a scene with a little kid and they’d turn to me afterwards and say, "I love you Eddie Murphy". That’s a new thing for me, to have a co-star in a scene turn to me and tell me they love me. In "48 Hours" Nick Nolte never turned to me and said "I love you Ed”.
Orchestras have often been used to conjure up the natural world: Swans, sharks, trout, but not, as far as I know, the often maligned jellyfish.
We come into this world totally defenseless. A bundle of soft, toothless cartilage that can't roll over, focus, or hold in it's own spit. Then, while you're lying there all helpless some doctor walks in and chops off the end of your penis. Who's a happy baby? Who is? Yes, you are.
What goes up must come down, which is why I don't wear tube tops.
Let's start anew. Life is goals - Purpose-Attempts - Struggle-Dreams and Accomplishmenties. It sounds confusing (my fault), but it's actually simple.
When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.
Timing is everything. That’s a cliche. Now. If I’d said that a long time ago, I’d have been original.
Just broke up with somebody. Well, it wasn't really a break up, it was a booty call I might have took too serious.
Strip clubs are great places to meet interesting people you only wanna know for about 40 minutes.