Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1007
Why is it that it's okay to call a white person "mate" yet it's not okay to call a black guy "primate"?
When I was seven, I watched "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" with my mom. When Jack Nicholson was strapped to the table getting electroshock treatment, my mom burst into tears. She said it reminded her of her life, and I was stunned, because I didn't know my mom had been nominated for an Oscar.
In no way was I intending to say, nor have I ever thought, that the men and women who defend our nation in uniform are anything but courageous and valiant, and I offer my apologies to anyone who took it wrong.
I've heard lots of people lie to themselves but they never fool anyone.
Guys who talk about their ex-girlfriend are like girls who talk about their farts.
You might be a redneck if you've ever been arrested for loitering.
I had a three year relationship end. Ever have somebody just freak out on you in a relationship? Things are going great. After three years she wants to run out and find a guy that doesn’t hit her.
Most people are dead. Did you know that? It's true, out of all the people that ever were, almost all of them are dead.
In school I was pretty quiet. Kinda shy until my junior year. But at home I was a freak.
Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
A Catholic priest who’s been sending threatening notes to Conan O’Brien was charged with stalking in the fourth degree. It just goes to show you that people can become obsessed with redheads.