Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1056
This year, I'm celebratedp our independence the old fashioned way: I made fun of fatties at the water park.
Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, "Do I know you?"
Suddenly, this romantic agony was enriched by a less romantic one: I had to go to the bathroom. Needless to say, I couldn't let her know about this urge, for great lovers never did such things. The answer to "Romeo Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?" was not "In the men's room, Julie.”
At no time do I come from a cynical point of view. I'm coming from a concerned point of view.
To me the goal of comedy is to just laugh, which is a really high hearted thing, visceral connection and reaction.
It's nice to be in Washington, where the buck stops here. Way to go. And then it's handed out to AIG and many other people.
I can tell how lonely I am by how easily I’m fooled by a mannequin in a store.
I just loved comedy as a kid and I think at some point, it just occurred to me that you could try it, and I did.
When I read things like the foundations of capitalism are shattering, I'm like, maybe we need that. Maybe we need some time where we're walking around with a donkey with pots clanging on the sides.
Yeah, let me give it a shot! The other, a few weeks ago my car broke down on the road. I had it pulled over to the side, and there’s just smoke pouring out of the motor. A guy stops to see if I’m all right, but he asks the stupid question. He said, “Car break down?” I said, “Nah, car wanted a cigarette, so I pulled over!” Here’s your sign!