Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1056
We don’t have home movies in my family. We have people’s exhibit A.
Psychiatrist are like mind hookers. Give them 200 dollars and they just screw with your head.
I'm of the generation of kids where the G.I. Joe's developed Kung Fu Grip right around the same time I did.
Over in Amsterdam, they spoke pot. They mix it with hash and tobacco and they roll it together. And the reason why they do that: they have so many vices, they have to combine them. “Oh, I’ll smoke pot but I don’t want to have that cut into my cigarette smoking time. I’m doin’ a hooker in 10 minutes.”
I shouldn't say bad things about the illiterate, though..I should write it. That way they won't find out.
It seems like movies that have heart to them always do well, and they find their audience.
Like most comics, I just broke up with my girlfriend and the reason we broke up is I caught her lying… under another man.
You got married recently to a rapper. It doesn't take them long to impregnate women.
If they make it illegal to wear the veil at work, bee keepers are going to be furious.
Here is a tip for all you young people drinking wine. With pasta, drink white wine. With steak, drink red wine. And if you're vegan, you're annoying.
I got arrested for playing chess in the street. I said, it's because I'm black, isn't it.
Historic in a good sense, not historic in a sense of 'so we dropped bombs on everyone.'