Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1073
But there was something really serendipitous that was happening, with some kind of energy that things would ultimately just work out, sometimes better than when you plan.
I can't control what people think this was. I can only tell you my intentions. This was not a rally to ridicule people of faith. Or people of activism or to look down our noses at the heartland or passionate argument or to suggest that times are not difficult and that we have nothing to fear. They are and we do. But we live now in hard times, not end times. And we can have animus and not be enemies.
People always ask me, 'Where were you when Kennedy was shot?' Well, I don't have an alibi.
In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some.
You might be a redneck if your soap on a rope doubles as an air freshener.
I before e except after c and sounding like a in a neighboring way and on weekends and holidays and all throughout May YOU'LL ALWAYS BE WRONG NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY!!!!
You get all excited to give her the ring, and it's real emotional, and you give it to her, and she cries. And a second later, you're like, 'Damn, I could have had a car.'
Just got an email from a necrophiliac wishing me dead. Hey, thanks for the compliment!
A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.
When I was a kid, my goodness, corporate America was a bunch of stolid white guys in gray suits trying to be serious, and now it's stolid white guys in gray suits trying to be funny.
I was in a store and I saw a pocket dictionary and that made me laugh because it's such a specific item. I don't know that many words, and I'm going out... and I have pants. Perfect!
We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels and free thinkers. It's overrun with sheep and conformists.