Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1074
I called them and told them we were coming and said I didn't know how many we were bringing. They said bring them all. They said even if they had to get cots and line them all up, they would accommodate us. It's been great.
Bush didn't really win on his popularity last time. He won on scaring people that Kerry might do something stupid like, I don't know, sell the ports to the Arabs.
Being a famous print journalist is like being the best-dressed woman on radio.
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
Why do people do things that they fear? It may be that the fear contains information. Something can be interesting if you get to the other side of that fear.
In this country, a smart leader is suspect. That's just the way it is. Even George Bush's father, who was a lot smarter than the son, had to sort of prove that he wasn't that bright.
I went out with this girl the other night, she wore this real slinky number...She looked great going down the stairs.
Like it or not, we’re still a primitive tribe ruled by fears, superstition and misinformation.
I don't care if you laughed at that or not, the next time you hear that shit, you're gonna be like, "Haha. That Dane Cook is a silly bitch!"
Barack Obama will appeal to both black and white voters in America. White voters who'll think he's Tiger Woods.
I may even show up behind the camera. I love to put things together; I love to give direction. I have a great eye for pace.
When rappers call each other "son" it leads me to believe they don't take fatherhood very seriously.
No matter what time your guests arrive, pretend they're early, so naturally you're not ready.