Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1072
I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.
Late night is no different than making a film, really, except that it's faster, and if you do a crap one, you can do a better one tomorrow. Writing a novel and doing stand-up - that stuff is very similar.
A yacht is a good of example of how an object can be an arrogant prick.
Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it.
All you wanna do in life is do what you do well. That's when you're happiest.
Being a parent is about your survival. Surviving the terrible two's is the most important thing.
You might be a redneck if you wish your outhouse was as nice as those at the state park.
We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
The nature of comedy is "just do it". But I think what's interesting about it is this joke has been around and why. And it's just saying what's wrong and how wrong can you be if you say it.
I may even show up behind the camera. I love to put things together; I love to give direction. I have a great eye for pace.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
My tendency to make up stories and lie compulsively for the sake of my own amusement takes up a good portion of my day and provides me with a peace of mind not easily attainable in this economic climate.
I can't sing. Never been able to sing. I can't do voices very well. Every impression I do sounds the same. I can't dunk. Man, would I give anything to dunk. Just once.