Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1076

Yesterday I found out what doughnuts are for. You put them on doughbolts. They hold dough airplanes together. For kids, they make erector sets out of play-dough.

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

A lot of people think that keying a car isn't the right way to get back at a guy. I disagree.

I love bowling almost as much as I love not bowling.

It seems that man's greatest natural enemy is the target.

I am going to name a group of my kids after my favorite cartoons, I am going to name them after Transformers.

You might be a redneck if your Momma would rather go the racetrack than the Kennedy Center.

The Catholic Church is still very angry about "The Da Vinci Code" - they don't like anything that makes more money in a weekend than they do.

Americans who do not celebrate Independence Day: pets.

I'm moving to Mars next week, so if you have any boxes...

There's more than one mosque in the world that used to be a church and before that was a temple. Because it's a lot easier to just change the sign on the top and say "under new management" than it is to change the whole building.

I want to start saying bad words all the time!

You might be a redneck if there is more oil in your cap than in your car.

People think that you are a nasty, selfish person if you don't want to have children.

Parades are man's attempt to make traffic exciting.