Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1076
Being a famous print journalist is like being the best-dressed woman on radio.
Why do people do things that they fear? It may be that the fear contains information. Something can be interesting if you get to the other side of that fear.
In this country, a smart leader is suspect. That's just the way it is. Even George Bush's father, who was a lot smarter than the son, had to sort of prove that he wasn't that bright.
I just always found it easier to be the same guy onstage as you are offstage.
It's hard dealing with day to day disappointments and feeling like you can't find success. Especially when your best friend is Pixar.
When I told Fang I was going to have my face lifted, he said, 'Who'd steal it?'
Suicide is the number one killer of a person who is in a boat and happens to be passing under a bridge at the wrong time.
When cornered, a rattle snake can become so angry it's been known to bite itself, which is exactly how I feel in traffic and relationships.
Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.
Given human nature, as far as I'm concerned, I think each of us should have a legal option before we are forced to be included in mankind.
These are great days for exaggeration. In fact, I’ll go further than that and say these are the greatest days for exaggeration in the history of the planet Earth.