Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1076
I love when you get boner spam for boner pills and the subject is "Be a better lover". Oh, the boner was the problem on that? That’s why I’m a bad lover? Do you have a pill that’s gonna make me care if she cums? That would be a medical miracle.
I am often the one they call “You,” but I am no more “You” than you. I am me. And yet I am more “Me” than you are me or can ever be.
If we lose our phones, we lose our phone books. You don't memorize numbers anymore.
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
When I first came out, I thought, I want to walk like a real woman, I don't want to do mincing steps. And there was some girl I saw walking up Holloway Road in Islington who had this long languid walk and I thought, that's what I like, so I incorporated her walk into mine.
Ted Kennedy is endorsing John Kerry and I'm wondering, do you really want the endorsement of a guy with a Bloody Mary mustache?
I've always really liked theater. It fascinated me. You can create a reality and get people involved in that reality. It takes place in real time.
It's the greatest when your girlfriend says to you, "dude... you need to go and get laid."
Mad Cow Disease? I gotta be afraid of fucking cows now? And Canadian cows, I feel like such a puss.
During her pregnancy my mother referred to me as a "wreck-in-progress."
So I got off the plane and I forget to take off my seat-belt and I’m dragging the plane through the terminal... The wings are knocking people over...