Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1076
Passover is a ritual dinner where we talk about the story of the exodus of the Jews out of Egypt. And we have a service and a meal. Then there’s the sacrifice of a live Christian baby and dessert. My family doesn’t do that, but orthodox…
In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some.
True love is when you’re cheating on a person but the thought of them still makes your eyes smile!
You might be a redneck if your soap on a rope doubles as an air freshener.
If God had intended us not to masturbate he would've made our arms shorter.
I’ve always had a special place in my heart for old women digging through garbage bins. They saved my life so many times as a baby.
A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.
A squirrel is the same as a can, when there’s a bb gun in my hand. Can’t you see that I am just a man? With distinctions… and comparisons.
Suppose I could shoot myself in the mouth, but what if I miss? People will laugh at me.
You might be a redneck if... Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.
In spite of the poor economy, almost 70 percent of Americans occasionally splurge on luxury items - like a blanket on a plane, or a peanut.
I think a bad place for a fire would be the factory where they make those trick candles.
There is a new bill in the Senate that is upsetting a lot of people. This bill would give the President the power to shut off the Internet. Al Gore is strongly opposed to it. Not because he invented the Internet. Because he did. But because he just signed up for Match.com.