Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1076

Conservative talk radio hosts have conned the American people into thinking there is such a thing as a pro-life, pro-war, pro-gun, pro-death penalty Christian.

The views expressed by me are in no way endorsed by CBS any of its allied companies or in fact me.

I love money, strictly for financial reasons.

Everything that people say is testable.

I wonder if Socrates and Plato took a house on Crete during the summer.

We're not laughing at you - we're laughing near you.

I never say never. Who knows? I’d welcome it.

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.

Given human nature, as far as I'm concerned, I think each of us should have a legal option before we are forced to be included in mankind.

Friday's turmoil in global markets looks set to continue to exert a dominant force on the foreign exchange markets. The usual trend when U.S. stocks fall is that the U.S. dollar suffers.

This is my first week as an American citizen. It's amazing. Now I can vote in the general election - and for American Idol.

I visit Fox News every now and again, and it’s nice, because the Eye of Mordor is above the building.

I don't have to kill myself, time is going to do that.

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.

Krispy Kreme Doughnuts, everybody loves them. But I thought this was interesting on the box, 'Konsult Kardiologist.'