Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1076
I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.
I live in a flat with 3 women, I call it surround sound. I keep the ugly one behind the sofa as a woofer.
It felt wonderful doing it. But that's rather like urinating in brown velvet pants. It can feel wonderful, but no one will watch.
Being a parent is about your survival. Surviving the terrible two's is the most important thing.
And then you've got Lieberman, who is for the war. And thinks the tax cuts could really help. He's basically for people who want to vote for Bush but don't think Bush is Jewish enough.
I don't care if you laughed at that or not, the next time you hear that shit, you're gonna be like, "Haha. That Dane Cook is a silly bitch!"
Conservative talk radio hosts have conned the American people into thinking there is such a thing as a pro-life, pro-war, pro-gun, pro-death penalty Christian.
You might be a redneck if the hood and one door are a different color from the rest of your car.
The views expressed by me are in no way endorsed by CBS any of its allied companies or in fact me.
Trannies dress up like women, then try to bang straight guys. They're the adrenaline junkies of gayness.
Breaking records is not something you expect to be doing. That's like a sports thing, it's not usually a comedy and writing thing.
Humans are born, weak and helpless. We're cursed with natural predators called parents. That's why the grandma was created. To protect us. Oh sure, she's old and frail. But she can kick your dad's ass.