Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1076
The other guys are selling certainty. Not me. I'm on the corner with doubt.
People think that you are a nasty, selfish person if you don't want to have children.
I'm going to go to Kennebunkport and see if they respond any quicker!
Being a famous print journalist is like being the best-dressed woman on radio.
You might be a redneck if you have used a bar stool as a walker.
I live in a flat with 3 women, I call it surround sound. I keep the ugly one behind the sofa as a woofer.
It felt wonderful doing it. But that's rather like urinating in brown velvet pants. It can feel wonderful, but no one will watch.
You might be a redneck if your four-year-old is a member of the NRA.
I don't care if you laughed at that or not, the next time you hear that shit, you're gonna be like, "Haha. That Dane Cook is a silly bitch!"
