Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1076
I get the Playboy thing a lot. People assume I go out with bimbos. I couldn`t go out with bimbos if I tried! I scare them off! The women that like me are smart. So I go to the Playboy Mansion four or five times a year, but people think I go all the time.
If your body is 90% water what have you got to drink water all the time for? Why can't you just have some crisps?
To get strangers to hate you even faster, crank up the volume on that very "interesting" ringtone of yours.
Attempt to get a new car for your spouse - it'll be a great trade!
Yesterday I found out what doughnuts are for. You put them on doughbolts. They hold dough airplanes together. For kids, they make erector sets out of play-dough.
I think animal crackers make people think that all animals taste the same.
She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
I'm reading a book, because I'm brainy. No, it is a book - if you don't know, it is like a blog except bigger.
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
There's more than one mosque in the world that used to be a church and before that was a temple. Because it's a lot easier to just change the sign on the top and say "under new management" than it is to change the whole building.