Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1076
All you wanna do in life is do what you do well. That's when you're happiest.
Being a parent is about your survival. Surviving the terrible two's is the most important thing.
And then you've got Lieberman, who is for the war. And thinks the tax cuts could really help. He's basically for people who want to vote for Bush but don't think Bush is Jewish enough.
Conservative talk radio hosts have conned the American people into thinking there is such a thing as a pro-life, pro-war, pro-gun, pro-death penalty Christian.
You might be a redneck if the hood and one door are a different color from the rest of your car.
I don’t think more concentration is required for Robert De Niro to do what he does as for Jim Carrey to do what he does.
Trannies dress up like women, then try to bang straight guys. They're the adrenaline junkies of gayness.
Why are there so many puritans in this country, and why can’t the rest of us make them go away?!
Breaking records is not something you expect to be doing. That's like a sports thing, it's not usually a comedy and writing thing.
I wonder if Socrates and Plato took a house on Crete during the summer.
"Where there is a will there is a way" is an old true saying. He who resolves upon doing a thing, by that very resolution often scales the barriers to it, and secures its achievement. To think we are able, is almost to be so - to determine upon attainment is frequently attainment itself.