Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1076

He released Annie's Boobs. Annie's Boobs could be anywhere. Annie's Boobs could be on the streets

A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on.

I would rather sit next to a transgender person and discuss why every single one I've met smells like a bar in the daytime than listen to people tell my why I want to have children and that I just don't know it yet. I do know, because I'm me and my feelings are the ones in my head. I don't want to have kids, and it's not a device to get attention or have conversations about it. I simply find children incredibly immature and, more often than not, dumb.

I heard that in relativity theory, space and time are the same thing. Einstein discovered this when he kept showing up three miles late for his meetings.

My father said, "Bring along your best girl." This is something you say to a pimp!

I love Steven Wright.

If history repeats itself I'm hopeful that I can get out of it with a note from my shrink.

Oh, southern rappers... so hard to write a rhyme when you only know 30 words.

I love when you get boner spam for boner pills and the subject is "Be a better lover". Oh, the boner was the problem on that? That’s why I’m a bad lover? Do you have a pill that’s gonna make me care if she cums? That would be a medical miracle.

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

You might be a redneck if you burn your front yard rather than mow it.

Ted Kennedy is endorsing John Kerry and I'm wondering, do you really want the endorsement of a guy with a Bloody Mary mustache?

Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex.

I always wanted to be a snake. Every time I saw a snake on TV. I'd always say 'Why not me?'

Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.