Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1076
An apology? Bah! Disgusting! Cowardly! Beneath the dignity of any gentleman, however wrong he might be.
To have the enthusiasm of a game show contestant and the dignity to never be one.
Shouldn't the trophy for the Grammys be a sweet, old lady giving you a pie?
I wonder if Socrates and Plato took a house on Crete during the summer.
I heard this guy say "Man, I need to get some R&R" I was like "wow, this guy's tired, he doesn't even have the energy to say... Est and Elaxation" "Dude i gotta get two R's, I'll explain later." "Rabbits and retards? What does this guy want?" "Nah, he's sleeping, we'll find out later" "Okay"
Given human nature, as far as I'm concerned, I think each of us should have a legal option before we are forced to be included in mankind.
I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious.
I reject the idea there are just two sides. I think that with the amount of ideas and thoughts there are, it’s not even going to be consistent with the same person. People can hold liberal and conservative dogma points at the same time. They’re not living their lives via platforms. They’re living their lives. The whole thing is an awfully tired construct.
I would rather sit next to a transgender person and discuss why every single one I've met smells like a bar in the daytime than listen to people tell my why I want to have children and that I just don't know it yet. I do know, because I'm me and my feelings are the ones in my head. I don't want to have kids, and it's not a device to get attention or have conversations about it. I simply find children incredibly immature and, more often than not, dumb.
I look hot and, most of all, skinny. I love the day after throwing up. I felt like a feather.