Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1076
Coming up with a funny joke is like falling in love: It can hit you any time, anywhere. Having said that, the more you put yourself out there, the better your odds will be.
When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, 'Well, what do you need?'
I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
I called them and told them we were coming and said I didn't know how many we were bringing. They said bring them all. They said even if they had to get cots and line them all up, they would accommodate us. It's been great.
Late night is no different than making a film, really, except that it's faster, and if you do a crap one, you can do a better one tomorrow. Writing a novel and doing stand-up - that stuff is very similar.
The English are worried about the Euro being brought in because of loss of national identity and rising prices. In Scotland, people are just worried in case they have to close Poundstretcher.
Valentine's Day is a time to celebrate the joy of being in love. Unless you're single and lonely then it's called Laundry Day.
And then earlier than that there were the crusades. The crusades were totally fucked. Richard the Lionheart, who had the heart of a lion as well as his own. He ripped it out of the lion, and the lion was left with a bicycle pump and not much to do.
I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.
Why do people do things that they fear? It may be that the fear contains information. Something can be interesting if you get to the other side of that fear.