Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1076
When I was a kid, my goodness, corporate America was a bunch of stolid white guys in gray suits trying to be serious, and now it's stolid white guys in gray suits trying to be funny.
My dad is actually a manic depressive, which is very exciting half the time.
Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the meal seriously.
When years from now people look back on today, they will think the same thing they already do but with more reasons for it.
The key to staying together is making sure you guys like each other and need each other.
In spite of the poor economy, almost 70 percent of Americans occasionally splurge on luxury items - like a blanket on a plane, or a peanut.
I am really tired of looking at my hips. I’m seriously really tired of standing naked in the mirror and staring at my hips for hours and hours while muttering, "You hips. You hips need to get it together."
Siamese twins are interesting because they are the only people who can write a biography and an autobiography at the same time.
When you're on a movie set and you are hopefully making a comedy, everyone's stifling their laughter. You're looking at the crew guys, hoping someone is making that face like, and not like, this is not working out, man.
I want to commit a crime during a reenactment, and turn it into an enactment.