Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1076
When rappers call each other "son" it leads me to believe they don't take fatherhood very seriously.
Breaking records is not something you expect to be doing. That's like a sports thing, it's not usually a comedy and writing thing.
Suicide is the number one killer of a person who is in a boat and happens to be passing under a bridge at the wrong time.
Given human nature, as far as I'm concerned, I think each of us should have a legal option before we are forced to be included in mankind.
I'm afraid one thing - I don't like heights. Heights bug me out. I'm not cool with heights. I refuse to do a comedy show 12 stories up. I'm fearless about everything else.
Sometimes, in order to follow one’s heart, one must do the wrong thing. Now, I’m not absolving anyone of their actions; you have to be responsible for your actions, sick or well, you have to be, you just have to be. All of us are accountable.
I reject the idea there are just two sides. I think that with the amount of ideas and thoughts there are, it’s not even going to be consistent with the same person. People can hold liberal and conservative dogma points at the same time. They’re not living their lives via platforms. They’re living their lives. The whole thing is an awfully tired construct.
Let's all start wearing bolo ties, and when they become hip again, we'll all say we were kidding.
Do you guys have to sell everything? I'd like to buy the Earth's core.
You know when you're sitting on a chair and you lean back so you're just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time...