Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1076
She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
Man, it just cost me five dollars to beat my own meat... God bless the United States of America.
The Catholic Church is still very angry about "The Da Vinci Code" - they don't like anything that makes more money in a weekend than they do.
[Cosby] thought that was my whole act. Like I just walked out on-stage and cursed and left. I manage to stick in some jokes between the curses. You couldn’t give no curse show. Walk out, say, “Hey, Felt Forum, motherfucker, dick, pussy, snot and shit. Good night. Good night. Suck my dick. Bye-bye.”
Coming up with a funny joke is like falling in love: It can hit you any time, anywhere. Having said that, the more you put yourself out there, the better your odds will be.
There’s a joke in everything, the trick is finding it. The best compliment a joke can get is what Huxley said about Darwin’s theory of evolution - ‘Why didn’t I think of that?’
I lost my virginity under a bridge. I was having sex with this poor girl and I was trying my best, but I was like Scotland at a World Cup – just pleased to be there.
I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
Bush didn't really win on his popularity last time. He won on scaring people that Kerry might do something stupid like, I don't know, sell the ports to the Arabs.
I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.