Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1077
A good name for a gang would be The Uneducated Idiot Tough Guys.
My dad was like a stage mother he always pushed me to do what I wanted.
She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
Right before I'm about to talk at length about something I like I say, "Get me started."
I still like paper books. Like, book is a flammable object. After you read it, you could use it to get warm. Or it could become a pile of napkins.
To me, the media in New York and LA have always missed the essence of this country.
I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can't make it through one door, I'll go through another door - or I'll make a door. Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
A large portion of the Earth’s land area is taken up by old varsity jackets.
If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that!
One thing you never hear is "Man that guy is good at badminton."
I'm happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in.
I think it would be frustrating to be a match maker. "What do you do?" "I'm a match maker" "Aw, that's really romantic" "No, umm... I actually... never mind"
I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.