Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1138
I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said "why should I you never put out for me".
Every night my wife used to give me a foot massage. And my face would smell weird afterwards, but...
In school, every period ends with a bell. Every sentence ends with a period. Every crime ends with a sentence.
Did you know that a single fur coat takes 14 trees just for the protest signs?
'Come back here, I'm a police officer!' and I shouted back 'No you're not! You're a monster!'
This bloke was so pissed, he thought his vomit had come to life!
Apparently they're going to bring in Super Asbos. But Asbos already sound too cool. Teenagers see them as a badge of honour. They should call them Gaybos or Bender Badges.
We made love, and I thought she had an orgasm. I said, 'Well, did you have an orgasm?' She said, 'Yeah, but I was hoping for a series.'
You might be a redneck if you watch Little House on the Prairie for decorating tips.
I like when people wear a WWJD bracelet, because it’s like an example of the first thing Jesus wouldn’t do, probably.
Two fish in a tank, one says to the other - you drive I'll man the guns.
It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.
You might be a redneck if you fainted when you met Slim Whitman.