Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1139
I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.
Everybody blames the Jews for killing Christ, and the Jews try to pass it off on the Romans. I'm one of the few people who believes it was the blacks.
I know what it's like to have a bunch of material that's working that you don't care about. You want to die.
Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with some one long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
It's the perfect joke. Just hearing out loud descriptions of giddy shit-covered incest. And other poems by Maya Angelou.
When you create you get a little endorphin rush. Why do you think Einstein looked like that?
I went to penitentiary one time, not me personally, but me and Gene went there for a movie. "Arizona State Penitentiary" Population: 80 percent black people. But there are no black people in Arizona, they have to bus motherfuckers in!
No one has ever thought this: Now that I'm out of therapy and have fixed my mental problems, I think I want to be a ventriloquist.
It's nice to live in a country that has its priorities straight: the library's open three hours a week, and the House of Fist is 24/7.
For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.
If you take a negative, turn it inside out, it’s still a negative. You’re just revealing the ugly inside of negative so I say keep it as is.