Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1139
The real joy is in constructing a sentence. But I see myself as an actor first because writing is what you do when you are ready and acting is what you do when someone else is ready.
You might be a redneck if you fainted when you met Slim Whitman.
I don't know what it's like to be an actor, where if your show gets canceled, really you're just a bum.
Since the dawn of time, primitive humans thought, loved and had poetry. They also pooped on everything. It was horrible.
[about her half-black boyfriend] I gave him a compliment! All right, I told him he probably would've made, like, a really expensive slave in the, like, in the olden-timey days.
Life, is easy. And if yours isn't, quit whining. Oh, wait. unless you're just a head amd then, you do have it pretty rough. I don't know how you roll out of bed every morning.
They call me a role model \ <br /> Even though my hand’s glued to that gin bottle
If we can send a person to the moon, we can send someone with AIDS to the moon, and then someday we can send everybody with AIDS to the moon.
The only time a politico will try to avoid playing the blame game is when they or theirs are to blame.
I tell ya, my wife, we get along good cause we have our own arrangement. I mean, one night a week I go out with the boys and one night a week, she goes out with the boys.
My sister wanted to be an actress, but she never made it. She does live in a trailer. She got halfway. She's an actress, she just never gets called to the set.
The only way I can get Fang out of bed in the morning is to wear a black dress and a veil, and sit on the edge of his bed and cry.