Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1169
Standing in a garage no more makes you a car than standing in a church makes you a Christian.
I can't wait for the next fad though, and I predict it's going to be Pennsylvania dutch culture, very Amish. It's going to be bonnets and butter churns.
I've got it all in here ultra violets, flying saucers, strawberry bootlace come on get involved..
My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
You might be a redneck if Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people".
I know what it's like to have a bunch of material that's working that you don't care about. You want to die.
That son of mine, when they made him they broke the mold. Then they set it on fire to be sure.
When John and Yoko promoted. "Give Peace a Chance" my folks sadly thought they just meant our family.
Dentists tell you not to pick your teeth with any sharp metal object. Then you sit in their chair... and the first thing they grab is an iron hook.
You might be a redneck if more than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.
Every day I ran to that book like it was a bottle of whiskey and crawled inside because it was a world that I had at least some control over, and slowly, in time, it began to take shape.
I'm tired of this back-slapping "Isn't humanity neat?" bullshit. We're a virus with shoes, okay? That's all we are.