Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1186
America doesn't need libraries; you don’t need books here. There are plenty of books in the world, and plenty of people who've read them. It's not your area of expertise.... Stick to what you are truly great at -- TV.
We’re looking for answers in a landfill instead of looking to people who bring the light.
There was another war-related casualty today. The French were injured when they tried to jump on our bandwagon.
In a speech yesterday John Kerry said that before November he may go to Iraq. Is that a good idea for him to go to Iraq? You thought Bush didn't have a reason to bomb Iraq before.
If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?
When you bump into your own mom at an orgy, it's hard not to get her to read into certain things.
Lot of debate about the war lately. Democrats saying pull out. Republicans saying finish the job. It’s like the angel and devil on my shoulders during sex.
You rarely get a convincing lecture on "playing to your strength" from a bald guy with a ponytail.
You might be a redneck if an expired license plate means another decoration for your living room wall.
When you're in school, and there's a fire alarm you have to line up in a single file line from shortest to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower?
A friend of mine once sent me a postcard with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said 'Wish you were here.'